Blaster, you give me far too much credit!
I did find out what my problem was. I think I know why but I'm not sure.
I checked the voltage at the battery and without the cables, it gave me ~12.4v but when I hooked the cables up, I had about 5v. I had changed the battery so I didn't suspect it, but when I put the original battery back in, it cranked up. So something was causing my original battery to go flat. I did notice that I need to adjust the alignment on my alternator belt as it was getting chewed up. Hopefully, I didn't ruin a bearing. I also noticed that my alternator belt was loose. It's starting to look like the belt got loose so the alternator didn't turn enough to charge the battery. The last time I drove the car was for about an hour or so at night so without the alternator, I could have drained the battery.
If someone has an alternative (say one that discounts the possibility of a loose alternator belt), I'd be really like to hear it because I'm not fully convinced that is the whole problem.