You always park facing downhill.
The guy at the parts store gets a cheesy grin when he sees you walk in; is
listed as a dependent on your tax return, sends you a get-well card if you haven't
bought a part for two weeks; or recognizes your voice on the phone.
You call AAA and they also recognize your voice.
You get in a car and are surprised when all the instruments work; you
can carry on a conversation without shouting; it doesn't need any oil, brake fluid,
or antifreeze.
You get in a car and are NOT surprised by a spare battery, a tool kit that
fills half the trunk, and a slightly singed instrument panel.
You hear someone talking about new shoes and assume they are doing a brake
job.
You look under the hood and see more duct tape and more electrical tape
than wires.
You tell your wife that the reason you were out till 3am was that the car
broke down. and she believes you.
The family is no longer upset by sitting down to dinner and sharing half
the table with carburetor parts.
You pay more visits to the auto parts store than you do to the gas station
or grocery store.
Your car makes a funny sound and you immediately know what is wrong, what
it will cost and which tools will be required.
When your generator dies, you just pull another one off the Lucas pile in
your garage.
You distrust anyone named Lucas.
People ask you how many cars you own and you respond in fractional
numbers.
You wash your hands when working on your car so you don't get the engine
compartment dirty.
You allow four hours for a trip - three hours for driving and one for
repairs.
You'd rather give the family pit bull a bath than tune your Stromberg
carburetors. Again.
It doesn't embarrass you to ask passengers to get out and walk up hills.
You can unstick a jammed starter in the dark in the rain in five minutes
flat and don't regard this as unusual.
You set off the alarms at airport security checkpoints with the wrenches
you'd forgotten were in your pockets.
You begin conversations with."I'd have driven here tonight, but."
You spend the evening at a friend's house and leave with the words."Don't
go to bed yet. I may be back!"
You understand why the British drink warm beer.
